ALCOHOL
-Alcohol mixed with depression mixed with cold medicine can leave you suicidal. Alcohol and antahistamines have a synergistic, depressing effect, and at high levels can be lethal.
-Alcohol can be the most dangerous when people drink a lot very quickly – drinking games, can’t taste alcohol (jello shots, everclear, etc).
-Drinking on an empty stomach particularly risky.
-If person becomes unconscious, is impossible to arouse, or seems to have trouble breathing, call immediately.
-Don’t drink alone and if you find your friend wandering off alone, follow her. Do not let anyone go “pass out” alone. Make sure someone checks on them to make sure their okay.
-When drunk people pass out, their bodies continue to absorb the alcohol they just drank. The amount of alcohol in their blood can then reach dangerous levels and they can die in their sleep. Keep checking on someone who has gone to sleep drunk.
-Drugs can be deadly when combined because they increase the other’s effects.
-The rapid absorption of high concentrations of alcohol can suppress centers of the brain that control breathing and cause a person to pass out or even die. Absorption is increased when on an empty stomach.
-If the drinker consumes more than the amount than the liver can handle, then the additional alcohol simply accumulates in the blood and body tissues and waits its turn for metabolism.
-Continued drinking increases the enzymes that metabolize alcohol and these enzymes can either lessen the effects of critical medication for diabetes or blood thinning or can increase the breakdown of Tylenol and can be toxic to the body.
-40% of college students report blackouts – alcohol affects the NMDA receptors and block formation of new memories.
-Alcohol affects the frontal lobe (in charge of executive functioning, making decisions) and the hippocampus. If start in adolescents, can actually prevent these structures from forming fully.
-In general, the areas that are affected are memory formation, abstract thinking, problem solving, attention and concentration, perception of emotion.
Dangerous combinations with other drugs:
-It is dangerous to combine alcohol with anything else that makes you sleep.
-This includes other sedative drugs such as opiates (heroin, morphine, or Demerol).
-Barbiturates or Quaaludes – unconsciousness or event death. The effects of alcohol may be totally unexpected in the presence of other sedative drugs. (downers, blue heavens, blue velvets, blue devils, nembies, yellow jackets, Mexican yellows, purple hearts, goof balls, reds, red devils, pink ladies)
-Valium-like drugs cause severe drowsiness in the presence of alcohol, increasing the risk of household and automobile accidents.
-Antibiotics – nausea, vomiting, convulsions
-Antidepressants – alcohol increases the sedative effects of tricyclic antideprssants and impairs both mental and physical skills. Ask doctor how it interacts with alcohol.
-Sleep medications like Ambien
-Antihistamines found in cold medicines – excessive dizziness and sedation, particularly dangerous.
-Antipsychotics – thorazine – impaired coordination and fatal suppression of breathing.
-Pain relievers – morphine, codeine, etc. – magnifies the sedative affects of both increasing the risk of death from overdose. Even a single drink can increase the effects.
-Energy drinks – enhances pleasant buzz of alcohol but does not diminish the depressant effects. If a person feels as if she is alert and unimpaired, she might feel that drinking more alcohol is safe when in fact it may not be.
Special considerations for Women:
•The percentage of women who drink alcohol has increased from 45 to 66 percent over the past forty years, and that as many as 5 percent of women are heavy drinkers.
•There is a chemical called alcohol dehydrogenase (ADH) that breaks down some of the alcohol in the stomach before it gets absorbed into the blood. Women appear to have less of this in their stomachs so compared to men, more of the alcohol they drink gets absorbed into the blood. In fact, after a given dose of alcohol, a woman may achieve a blood alcohol level 25 to 30 percent higher than a man.
•Birth control pills slow down the rate at which alcohol is eliminated from the body. Can feel the sedating effects of alcohol for a longer period of time than a woman who is not.
•Women are at a greater risk for liver damage than men.
•The pancreas are more likely to be damaged in women.
•Alcohol increases risk of breast cancer.
•Women seem more likely to show deficits in cognitive function.
Friday, December 11, 2009
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Anxiety Management in Children and Adolescents
What do you do when your child is suffering from anxiety related to sports, school, friends, etc? Is it healthy for your child to feel a little bit of anxiety -- is it sort of like exposing them to some germs so they can build up an immunity? No one wants to see their child suffer or struggle or feel pain or sadness or nervousness or hurt, but if we take away the source of these so-called "negative" emotions are we really just setting up our kids for a world of hurt?
As hard as it is, it may be necessary to let your child feel these negative emotions related to school, sports, friends, etc. -- it's life. It will help them build up a defense to it, it will expose them to it and thereby prepare them for the future when they are on their own without their parents to protect them. How much is too much? How do you decide when your child is feeling anxious because it is a natural part of their response and when it is extreme and needs to be managed?
When in doubt, seek help. Find a therapist, a psychologist, a doctor and consult. Don't assume that all negative emotion is bad for your child. Help them learn to cope with the bad stuff -- teach them the skills to manage them, not avoid them.
For further information or help with your child's anxiety, contact Dr. Brenna Tindall at www.drbrennatindall.com
As hard as it is, it may be necessary to let your child feel these negative emotions related to school, sports, friends, etc. -- it's life. It will help them build up a defense to it, it will expose them to it and thereby prepare them for the future when they are on their own without their parents to protect them. How much is too much? How do you decide when your child is feeling anxious because it is a natural part of their response and when it is extreme and needs to be managed?
When in doubt, seek help. Find a therapist, a psychologist, a doctor and consult. Don't assume that all negative emotion is bad for your child. Help them learn to cope with the bad stuff -- teach them the skills to manage them, not avoid them.
For further information or help with your child's anxiety, contact Dr. Brenna Tindall at www.drbrennatindall.com
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Stages of Grief
Recently, in Fort Collins, a 14 year old high school girl was struck by an SUV on her bike and was killed. There really is no good way to deal with death, especially of a child. Many people know about the 7 stages of grief but does this really help us sort through the mess of emotions we feel when someone close to us dies. Here are the 7 stages:
1. SHOCK & DENIAL-You will probably react to learning of the loss with numbed disbelief. You may deny the reality of the loss at some level, in order to avoid the pain. Shock provides emotional protection from being overwhelmed all at once. This may last for weeks.
2. PAIN & GUILT-As the shock wears off, it is replaced with the suffering of unbelievable pain. Although excruciating and almost unbearable, it is important that you experience the pain fully, and not hide it, avoid it or escape from it with alcohol or drugs.
You may have guilty feelings or remorse over things you did or didn't do with your loved one. Life feels chaotic and scary during this phase.
3. ANGER & BARGAINING-Frustration gives way to anger, and you may lash out and lay unwarranted blame for the death on someone else. Please try to control this, as permanent damage to your relationships may result. This is a time for the release of bottled up emotion.
You may rail against fate, questioning "Why me?" You may also try to bargain in vain with the powers that be for a way out of your despair
4. "DEPRESSION", REFLECTION, LONELINESS-Just when your friends may think you should be getting on with your life, a long period of sad reflection will likely overtake you. This is a normal stage of grief, so do not be "talked out of it" by well-meaning outsiders. Encouragement from others is not helpful to you during this stage of grieving.
During this time, you finally realize the true magnitude of your loss, and it depresses you. You may isolate yourself on purpose, reflect on things you did with your lost one, and focus on memories of the past. You may sense feelings of emptiness or despair.
5. THE UPWARD TURN-As you start to adjust to life without your dear one, your life becomes a little calmer and more organized. Your physical symptoms lessen, and your "depression" begins to lift slightly.
6. RECONSTRUCTION & WORKING THROUGH-As you become more functional, your mind starts working again, and you will find yourself seeking realistic solutions to problems posed by life without your loved one. You will start to work on practical and financial problems and reconstructing yourself and your life without him or her.
7. ACCEPTANCE & HOPE-During this, the last of the seven stages in this grief model, you learn to accept and deal with the reality of your situation. Acceptance does not necessarily mean instant happiness. Given the pain and turmoil you have experienced, you can never return to the carefree, untroubled YOU that existed before this tragedy. But you will find a way forward.
Does it help being able to identify where you are in the process? Maybe, maybe not. Perhaps it helps to know that the way you are feeling is supposedly universal and others are experiencing the same intensity of emotion. The bottom line is that we do not know how to cope with death in our society. It is something that we don't talk about, don't prepare for. As humans, we can prepare for a lot of things -- but death is something we know nothing about. We have no idea what it feels like, what happens to us after.....so, is death such a horrible thing simply because of the unknown. If we knew our loved one was, in fact, in a happier place or that their death was painless and beautiful -- would it make our grief any easier?
The bottom line, no matter what, is that grief is never handled the same way by anyway and if you see someone struggling suggest they see a psychologist, a counselor, a therapist -- someone. Even if they don't want to talk about it, it is critical that they have someone who will make them communicate their internal world so it does not eat away at their soul.
My heart goes out to the family of the beautiful girl who was killed this week in Fort Collins and to any other parents who have lost their child. I can't imagine the pain that comes along with it.
1. SHOCK & DENIAL-You will probably react to learning of the loss with numbed disbelief. You may deny the reality of the loss at some level, in order to avoid the pain. Shock provides emotional protection from being overwhelmed all at once. This may last for weeks.
2. PAIN & GUILT-As the shock wears off, it is replaced with the suffering of unbelievable pain. Although excruciating and almost unbearable, it is important that you experience the pain fully, and not hide it, avoid it or escape from it with alcohol or drugs.
You may have guilty feelings or remorse over things you did or didn't do with your loved one. Life feels chaotic and scary during this phase.
3. ANGER & BARGAINING-Frustration gives way to anger, and you may lash out and lay unwarranted blame for the death on someone else. Please try to control this, as permanent damage to your relationships may result. This is a time for the release of bottled up emotion.
You may rail against fate, questioning "Why me?" You may also try to bargain in vain with the powers that be for a way out of your despair
4. "DEPRESSION", REFLECTION, LONELINESS-Just when your friends may think you should be getting on with your life, a long period of sad reflection will likely overtake you. This is a normal stage of grief, so do not be "talked out of it" by well-meaning outsiders. Encouragement from others is not helpful to you during this stage of grieving.
During this time, you finally realize the true magnitude of your loss, and it depresses you. You may isolate yourself on purpose, reflect on things you did with your lost one, and focus on memories of the past. You may sense feelings of emptiness or despair.
5. THE UPWARD TURN-As you start to adjust to life without your dear one, your life becomes a little calmer and more organized. Your physical symptoms lessen, and your "depression" begins to lift slightly.
6. RECONSTRUCTION & WORKING THROUGH-As you become more functional, your mind starts working again, and you will find yourself seeking realistic solutions to problems posed by life without your loved one. You will start to work on practical and financial problems and reconstructing yourself and your life without him or her.
7. ACCEPTANCE & HOPE-During this, the last of the seven stages in this grief model, you learn to accept and deal with the reality of your situation. Acceptance does not necessarily mean instant happiness. Given the pain and turmoil you have experienced, you can never return to the carefree, untroubled YOU that existed before this tragedy. But you will find a way forward.
Does it help being able to identify where you are in the process? Maybe, maybe not. Perhaps it helps to know that the way you are feeling is supposedly universal and others are experiencing the same intensity of emotion. The bottom line is that we do not know how to cope with death in our society. It is something that we don't talk about, don't prepare for. As humans, we can prepare for a lot of things -- but death is something we know nothing about. We have no idea what it feels like, what happens to us after.....so, is death such a horrible thing simply because of the unknown. If we knew our loved one was, in fact, in a happier place or that their death was painless and beautiful -- would it make our grief any easier?
The bottom line, no matter what, is that grief is never handled the same way by anyway and if you see someone struggling suggest they see a psychologist, a counselor, a therapist -- someone. Even if they don't want to talk about it, it is critical that they have someone who will make them communicate their internal world so it does not eat away at their soul.
My heart goes out to the family of the beautiful girl who was killed this week in Fort Collins and to any other parents who have lost their child. I can't imagine the pain that comes along with it.
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Internet Safety 101
New groups offered at Arete Psychological Services with therapist on how to protect yourself against predators and bullies on the internet. Learn to navigate social networking without putting yourself at risk. Contact brenna@drbrennatindall.com to join a group for parents, young adults, or teenagers.
Group led by Dr. Brenna Tindall therapist specializing in family issues.
Group led by Dr. Brenna Tindall therapist specializing in family issues.
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Relationship-- Couples Therapy- Easy Exercise to Get on the Same Page
Steven Hayes and Kelly Wilson discuss the importance of people completing values clarification exercises in their search for growth and health in their book Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. This process is about figuring out what your individual values are (family, education, work, physical exericse, etc.) and then clarify those values to a finite level so you can really figure out what each value really means to you. For example, if you say that family, in general, is a value to you it gives you no information about whether you are living a life consistent with "family" values or not. Instead, clarify the value "family" and really figure out what it is about. So, for one person they may clarify family in the following way:
FAMILY
- having children (yes, but how many children?)
- having two children
- marriage (yes, but what kind of marriage? Common law? Same sex?)
- having a marriage to someone of the opposite sex
- having dinners together at night (yes, but how many times during the week will you have dinner together?)
-having dinner together four nights per week and one time on the weekend
As you can see, the process of clarification takes some time and most people just say getting married is a value, but have no idea what that actually means when you break it down. Why this is important is that once you clarify the value, you can determine whether your daily actions are in lign with those values. In other words, are you doing/acting/behaving in a way that is consistent with your values. If you said Family, for example, is your number one value and yet you are not married, don't have children, aren't having dinner together every night and instead refuse to get into relationships for fear of getting burned ---then, you have an inconsistency between what you say is important and what you are doing. If you had let Family be a general term without clarification -- you may have been able to answer the question differently. If you had just said Family is my value and think to yourself that you spend time on the phone each week with your sister so you are living consistenly with your values ---then, we have a problem. So, first step. Determine 10 values that are important to you in the grand scheme of things. Remember, GOALS are something with a definitive ending, that you can actually reach, accomplish. VALUES, on the other hand, are something that you move towards and try to work at.....it is a lifelong direction and sometimes you will be moving towards your values and sometimes away. But, it's easier to move towards them if you know what they are -- so clarify, clarify, clarify. Some of the ten values that are normally clarified are:
citizenzhip
intimate relationships
parenting
family
physical exercise
social
etc.
I use this exercise with couples in a little different way.
One way to determine if you're relationship is healthy or that you are on the same page with your partner is to do a Couples Relationship Values Clarification. Use the following value domains:
Finances, childrearing, sexual intimacy, nonsexual intimacy, romance,
communication, extended families, religion/spirituality, recreation, conflict, career, chores/duties, gender roles, holidays/present giving.
Each partner should take each value and break it down. What does finances mean to them? Is this saving every penny until retirement? Is it to take one vacacation per year under a $1000 dollars? The value clarification needs to be specific, as in what things are important to each of you in each of those areas? Where do you stand with them, how do you feel about each?
It is always surprising how differently each partner defines/clarifies each value. The most interesting, surprising one is always the sexual intimacy category and most partners have no idea what is important to the other person. Try this with your partner. After you've each clarified each value domain, rank order them in terms of importance. Then take each domain and ask yourself, "on a scale of 1-10 with one being least and ten beng most, how closely am I living up to these values and working towards them?" So, each value domain will have a rank order of importance AND each domain will have a number of how closely you are living your life in alignment with it. If you see an inconsistency between the two numbers, then set short term goals to increase the consistency. Also, you can rank order you partner's value domains in order of how important you think they make them.....and then have them do yours. They rarely match up!
Enjoy!
FAMILY
- having children (yes, but how many children?)
- having two children
- marriage (yes, but what kind of marriage? Common law? Same sex?)
- having a marriage to someone of the opposite sex
- having dinners together at night (yes, but how many times during the week will you have dinner together?)
-having dinner together four nights per week and one time on the weekend
As you can see, the process of clarification takes some time and most people just say getting married is a value, but have no idea what that actually means when you break it down. Why this is important is that once you clarify the value, you can determine whether your daily actions are in lign with those values. In other words, are you doing/acting/behaving in a way that is consistent with your values. If you said Family, for example, is your number one value and yet you are not married, don't have children, aren't having dinner together every night and instead refuse to get into relationships for fear of getting burned ---then, you have an inconsistency between what you say is important and what you are doing. If you had let Family be a general term without clarification -- you may have been able to answer the question differently. If you had just said Family is my value and think to yourself that you spend time on the phone each week with your sister so you are living consistenly with your values ---then, we have a problem. So, first step. Determine 10 values that are important to you in the grand scheme of things. Remember, GOALS are something with a definitive ending, that you can actually reach, accomplish. VALUES, on the other hand, are something that you move towards and try to work at.....it is a lifelong direction and sometimes you will be moving towards your values and sometimes away. But, it's easier to move towards them if you know what they are -- so clarify, clarify, clarify. Some of the ten values that are normally clarified are:
citizenzhip
intimate relationships
parenting
family
physical exercise
social
etc.
I use this exercise with couples in a little different way.
One way to determine if you're relationship is healthy or that you are on the same page with your partner is to do a Couples Relationship Values Clarification. Use the following value domains:
Finances, childrearing, sexual intimacy, nonsexual intimacy, romance,
communication, extended families, religion/spirituality, recreation, conflict, career, chores/duties, gender roles, holidays/present giving.
Each partner should take each value and break it down. What does finances mean to them? Is this saving every penny until retirement? Is it to take one vacacation per year under a $1000 dollars? The value clarification needs to be specific, as in what things are important to each of you in each of those areas? Where do you stand with them, how do you feel about each?
It is always surprising how differently each partner defines/clarifies each value. The most interesting, surprising one is always the sexual intimacy category and most partners have no idea what is important to the other person. Try this with your partner. After you've each clarified each value domain, rank order them in terms of importance. Then take each domain and ask yourself, "on a scale of 1-10 with one being least and ten beng most, how closely am I living up to these values and working towards them?" So, each value domain will have a rank order of importance AND each domain will have a number of how closely you are living your life in alignment with it. If you see an inconsistency between the two numbers, then set short term goals to increase the consistency. Also, you can rank order you partner's value domains in order of how important you think they make them.....and then have them do yours. They rarely match up!
Enjoy!
Saturday, August 8, 2009
Changing patterns of dysfunctional behavior
It appears to be human nature to engage in dysfunctional patterns of behavior. What are these dysfunctional behaviors? Anything that is a not-so-great response to certain triggers we all have. For example, typical triggers people experience are stress, boredom, loneliness, isolation, anger, etc. If we don't recognize these triggers and find functional, healthy ways of dealing with them then they lead us to engage in maladaptive, dysfunctional behaviors like starving ourselves, bingeing, over-exercising, road rage, addictive behaviors related to substances, sex, and so on. One important factor in this is that we first identify what are high risk factor situations which may or may not trigger us. So, for some people high risk factors may be their mother-in-law visiting. Granted, a mother-in-law could also be a trigger! So, if you know one of your high risk factors is your mother-in-law visiting and tha a trigger associated with this is anger, then you can figure out a way to escape the dysfunctional cycle of behavior that these two things will create. One example of a dysfuncitonal cycle of behavior in this instance would be taking an extra Valium, perhaps, so that you don't yell at your husband or mother-in-law. Another might be just going on a tirade and storming through the house throwing things. More probably, would be passive-aggressive behavior such as giving your husband the silent treatment or refusing to talk at dinner or only answer your mother-in-law's questions with one word answers stopping the conversation. This is a more minor example, but who out there hasn't engaged in this type of behavior?
More complicated, however, are instances where we fall into a dysfunctional cycle of behavior without realizing it or knowing how to stop it. This happens especially with addiction -- both addiction to substances or addictions to compulsive behaviors like bingeing, starving yourself, or viewing pornography. Most often people with report that they "can't control themselves" and that "before I knew it I was drinking a bottle of wine and couldn't stop myself." This means your mind and body are on autopilot and has simply being reinforced one too many times that these responses make you feel better for a little bit. Take the example of drinking as a dysfunctional response to rejection, for example. In some cases, a high risk factor for young women could be social settings or a fraternity party or going to a club. A trigger in this instance is seeing another hot girl getting hit on instead of you or being ignored by all the guys. Without even thinking about it, young women will start throwing back shots of alcohol and making themselves so drunk that they don't have to think about the rejection, the low self-esteem, their poor self-image. For a short time, the alcohol acts as a social lubricant and makes them feel better. If you do this often enough, soon you're drinking whenever you feel badly and now you're dysfunctional behavior is controlling your life. I encourage people to follow a standard breakdown discussed both by Steven Hayes and Kelly Wilson in their book, Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, as well as by the DUI curriculum in Colorado created by Dr. Dave Timken. They call it different things but added together, they work.
1. Identify the EVENT -- what are the circumstances? (example: fired from job)
2. What THOUGHTS are you having with regard to this, what shows up in your mind automatically? (examples: "I'm such a loser." "Nobody wants me." "I'm never going to be able to pay my bills." "The person who fired me is a b...")
3. What FEELINGS/EMOTIONS are you experiencing? (examples: anger, self-pity, frustration, fear)
4. Now what are the MALADAPTIVE ACTIONS you can take in this situation and what are the ADAPTIVE actions you can take? Maladaptive take you further away from how you want to live your life, further away from making a positive, proactive, healthy choice. Adaptive actions are healthy choices which get you closer to your ultimate goal in life, good decision making.
Examples of maladaptive actions in this situation might be to punch your boss, to scream and yell at your boss, to go home and take it out on your partner, to go the bar and get drunk, etc.
Examples of adaptive actions might be: ask for a reference letter so you can get a new job, go to a yoga class, go home and talk to your partner about how badly you're feeling, cry, call a friend and discuss it, re-vamp your resume, etc.
Thoughts and feelings are automatic, uncontrollable things that show up whenever we experience an event. They just are what they are and we can't really control them or make them go away. Feelings, in particular, even "bad" ones are important to our progression, evolution, well-being, actualization. Feelings are messengers which tell us how to respond and what we need to be doing in a situation. Pay attention to your feelings even if they are not great ones. But, the area we really need to focus on are the ACTION areas -- because what we CHOOSE TO ACTUALLY DO is what is important. We, as humans, can think one thing, feel another, and still choose to do something completely different. We can think that we want to punch our boss, we can feel that we are fat but what matters is that we stop long enough to choose adaptive actions rather than maladaptive ones.
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Infertility Resource- Non-profit --Hiring for Hope
I'd like to direct people to an up-and-coming non-profit organization founded by Tegan Acree. this organization is called Hiring for Hope and its mission is to provide hope, resources, funding, support, answers, etc. to the thousands of women facing infertility. Contact Tegan at the following email address for information: tacree@hiringforhope.org
You can also follow this amazing organization on twitter -- search for Hiring for Hope!
You can also follow this amazing organization on twitter -- search for Hiring for Hope!
The website is live!
Check out my new website, www.drbrennatindall.com
Thanks to Horizon Marketing Group, Inc. for their fabulous work!
Especially, thanks to my brother, Bryn Tindall (CEO) and his amazing staff member, Andy Walton, New Business Development
If you need great business solutions, branding, etc., this is the company.
Thanks to Horizon Marketing Group, Inc. for their fabulous work!
Especially, thanks to my brother, Bryn Tindall (CEO) and his amazing staff member, Andy Walton, New Business Development
If you need great business solutions, branding, etc., this is the company.
Monday, July 20, 2009
Yoga for wellness
Check out the website yogapsychology.org for some good information about the integrated effects of yoga and mental health. Also check out Baron Baptiste's book, 40 days to personal revolution!
Saturday, July 18, 2009
Trainee Impairment
The Graduate Student Guide to Navigating Impairment by Dr. Brenna Tindall, Arete Psychological Services, LLC
1. Consult, consult, consult! The bottom line is that two heads are always better than one. If you think that you are in over your head; that you are having a hard time balancing school/work/family/relationships/etc.; that you are struggling to hold it together – then ask someone else for their opinion on how they think you are doing and/or what they think you should do. If we leave the question to our own mind, solely, we will probably justify whatever it is we probably should not be doing. Consult with a professor, a field placement supervisor, your own therapist, another graduate student, etc.
2. Go back to the Ethics Code! Re-read the principles and frame the question of your impairment in the context of the ethical principles. For example, “If I don’t write my progress notes right after a session with a client, is this really doing harm?” Yes, in fact, you are doing harm because it is unprofessional behavior and counter to the code of conduct that guides us as future professionals. You are held to the code of conduct even though you are a trainee. If you take the privilege of your role seriously, then you will write the note right away because it means you care about the client enough to record what you worked on so you do not forget and because it matters, so you are protecting yourself against lawsuits (in the instance of suicide assessments), and so on.
3. Utilize Karen Kitchener’s critical-evaluative level of decision making rather than your own intuition! Research shows that most professionals rely on their own sense of morals/ethics when faced with a dilemma rather than on their professions code of conduct. This is not okay because our own moral code might differ from our professional code. We have a responsibility to do what our ethical code says not what we think is the right thing to do. Kitchener’s model of decision making helps professionals utilize a systematic method of decision making which incorporates ethics, professionalism, school policies, etc. rather than relying on one’s own intuition on the best course of action. Check out Kitchener’s 1984 work.
4. Someone will find out if you are impaired and acting in an unprofessional manner! Even if you believe that no one is watching you or that no one is aware that you are not showing up to class, that you are cutting appointments short, that you are wearing inappropriate clothing – someone, somewhere always is. Even if professors or supervisors cannot pinpoint a specific problematic behavior, your impairment will leave them feeling like something is missing and that something is not quite right.
5. If you are having personal problems or encounter a crisis while in graduate school (and most of us will), you should consider seeking professional guidance! It is somewhat ironic that counselors, psychologists, psychology trainees, etc. are the most skeptical of therapy and therapists. How can we expect our clients to trust us when we are unwilling to do the same? There are numerous GSPP alumni who offer pro-rated therapy to students. Check out the list provided in your handbook.
1. Consult, consult, consult! The bottom line is that two heads are always better than one. If you think that you are in over your head; that you are having a hard time balancing school/work/family/relationships/etc.; that you are struggling to hold it together – then ask someone else for their opinion on how they think you are doing and/or what they think you should do. If we leave the question to our own mind, solely, we will probably justify whatever it is we probably should not be doing. Consult with a professor, a field placement supervisor, your own therapist, another graduate student, etc.
2. Go back to the Ethics Code! Re-read the principles and frame the question of your impairment in the context of the ethical principles. For example, “If I don’t write my progress notes right after a session with a client, is this really doing harm?” Yes, in fact, you are doing harm because it is unprofessional behavior and counter to the code of conduct that guides us as future professionals. You are held to the code of conduct even though you are a trainee. If you take the privilege of your role seriously, then you will write the note right away because it means you care about the client enough to record what you worked on so you do not forget and because it matters, so you are protecting yourself against lawsuits (in the instance of suicide assessments), and so on.
3. Utilize Karen Kitchener’s critical-evaluative level of decision making rather than your own intuition! Research shows that most professionals rely on their own sense of morals/ethics when faced with a dilemma rather than on their professions code of conduct. This is not okay because our own moral code might differ from our professional code. We have a responsibility to do what our ethical code says not what we think is the right thing to do. Kitchener’s model of decision making helps professionals utilize a systematic method of decision making which incorporates ethics, professionalism, school policies, etc. rather than relying on one’s own intuition on the best course of action. Check out Kitchener’s 1984 work.
4. Someone will find out if you are impaired and acting in an unprofessional manner! Even if you believe that no one is watching you or that no one is aware that you are not showing up to class, that you are cutting appointments short, that you are wearing inappropriate clothing – someone, somewhere always is. Even if professors or supervisors cannot pinpoint a specific problematic behavior, your impairment will leave them feeling like something is missing and that something is not quite right.
5. If you are having personal problems or encounter a crisis while in graduate school (and most of us will), you should consider seeking professional guidance! It is somewhat ironic that counselors, psychologists, psychology trainees, etc. are the most skeptical of therapy and therapists. How can we expect our clients to trust us when we are unwilling to do the same? There are numerous GSPP alumni who offer pro-rated therapy to students. Check out the list provided in your handbook.
Friday, March 20, 2009
Forced to be Family
If you haven't read the book, Forced to Be Family, by Cheryl Dellasega -- you should buy it. Especially, if you're female and you have sisters, a mother, a mother-in-law, or any other female relatives. Having eight sisters myself (four of them older and four of them younger) I have learned that if you put that many strong women in to the mix, it can be an emotional rollercoaster of love and hate -- changing at any moment. One of my brothers-in-law commented once that he was going to create a spreadsheet or flow chart so he could figure out who was speaking to whom at any given moment; who was aligned with whom, etc. He wasn't joking -- it's the reality of being in relationships with women - whether friends or families. Dr. Dellasega says in her book:
"I believe 'word wars' an bullying between relatives are the same kinds of behaviors women use to tussle in other arenas. Athough they are the expression of underlying tension, they also tend to be a feamle brand of aggression seen at work and play as well as home. Weapons of mass destruction are often gender-specific: bombs, guns, and physical fights are for guys, and gossip, undermining, and exclusion are for girls. It's not surprising that these behaviors might be especially pronouced among the women we are closest to" (p. 1, 2007).
This style of relating is definitely apparent in my family -- and my sisters and I can get in full-blown knock down, drag out verbal wars and then the next day are hugging and laughing and are best friends. My sisters and I have this joke that when we were growing up, we'd fight and belittle each other all day long and then when we went to sleep on our bunk beds we'd end the night by saying, "Goodnight, I love you. Sorry for being mean." I always find it funny when males make fun of women for being "catty" or for "gossiping" about each other -- as if using words is so much worse that beating each other up in a physical fight. Granted, women can be cruel and we tend to know just how to get to the other person -- what their achilles hill is.
Dr. Dellasega has a name for it, "relational aggression" and she defines it as using words and behaviors rather than physical blows to hurt. She elucidates a few ways that women express negative emotions:
1. by circulating rumors with ill intent
2. by shutting one woman out of a group or turning others against her
3. by controlling the behavior of others so that they can join the abuse
4. giving someone the silent treatment
5. threatening
6. teasing
7. harassing
Do you know a female friend/sister/mother who utilizes relational aggression. It is probable that this person is simply a "fearful woman underneath, relying on her aggressive behaviors to intimidate others so they won't glimpse her insecurity" (p.17-18, 2007).
"I believe 'word wars' an bullying between relatives are the same kinds of behaviors women use to tussle in other arenas. Athough they are the expression of underlying tension, they also tend to be a feamle brand of aggression seen at work and play as well as home. Weapons of mass destruction are often gender-specific: bombs, guns, and physical fights are for guys, and gossip, undermining, and exclusion are for girls. It's not surprising that these behaviors might be especially pronouced among the women we are closest to" (p. 1, 2007).
This style of relating is definitely apparent in my family -- and my sisters and I can get in full-blown knock down, drag out verbal wars and then the next day are hugging and laughing and are best friends. My sisters and I have this joke that when we were growing up, we'd fight and belittle each other all day long and then when we went to sleep on our bunk beds we'd end the night by saying, "Goodnight, I love you. Sorry for being mean." I always find it funny when males make fun of women for being "catty" or for "gossiping" about each other -- as if using words is so much worse that beating each other up in a physical fight. Granted, women can be cruel and we tend to know just how to get to the other person -- what their achilles hill is.
Dr. Dellasega has a name for it, "relational aggression" and she defines it as using words and behaviors rather than physical blows to hurt. She elucidates a few ways that women express negative emotions:
1. by circulating rumors with ill intent
2. by shutting one woman out of a group or turning others against her
3. by controlling the behavior of others so that they can join the abuse
4. giving someone the silent treatment
5. threatening
6. teasing
7. harassing
Do you know a female friend/sister/mother who utilizes relational aggression. It is probable that this person is simply a "fearful woman underneath, relying on her aggressive behaviors to intimidate others so they won't glimpse her insecurity" (p.17-18, 2007).
Sunday, March 15, 2009
The difference between strength and courage
My yoga instructor read this poem at the end of class one day and it really hit home for me. As someone who prides herself on being "strong" and viewing it as an essential component of success, this poem challenged my long-standing belief system. I realized as a mental health worker, it is critical that I also convey this message to my clients so they understand that "strength" is good in some situations and bad in others. Isn't this true with all our qualities? It seems that in life, success may be contingent upon figuring out when to utilize our qualities and when to put them on the back shelf. I use this exercise in a group therapy setting sometimes where I ask my clients to come up with their best characteristic, the one quality they are the most proud of -- this is usually an easy thing for people to do. What is more difficult, though, is the process of figuring out when that strength is a bad thing -- when it can lead them astray, cause them to make a bad decision, or miss an opportunity. One example of this is a client who was a car salesman. He was the most engaging, eloquent speaker I've met in a long time. He practically talked himself out of a 500 dollar bill just because he is quick on his feet, makes fast decisions, and is great at working people. He acknowledged this as his "best" quality. When asked how this gets him in trouble sometimes, he replied, "Never. It's always good. It helps me sell cars and be successful." When I asked him to think through any time that it had gotten him in trouble, he finally answered. Well, I guess it's prevented me from ever doing anything other than selling cars. I had the opportunity to go to college and to marry the girl of my dreams, but when faced with the decision to make a quick buck selling cars and moving to Colorado, I quickly decided to give up an education and my girl. I guess if I had thought through it a little bit more, I might have a college education and wife by now." So, I encourage you to think about what are your qualities that you have the most pride in, that you think are your best? Now, consider what situations they might not be such a great thing, and might lead you astray. This poem, "the difference between strength and courage" is a great display of looking at how a quality normally correlated with success, strength, could be a "bad" thing in some circumstances.
The Difference Between Strength & Courage
It takes strength to be firm;
it takes courage to be gentle.
It takes strength to stand guard;
it takes courage to let down your guard.
It takes strength to conquer;
it takes courage to surrender.
It takes strength to be certain;
it takes courage to have doubt.
It takes strength to fit in;
it takes courage to stand out.
It takes strength to feel a friend’s pain;
it takes courage to feel your own.
It takes strength to hide your pains;
it takes courage to show them.
It takes strength to endure abuse;
it takes courage to stop it.
It takes strength to stand alone;
it takes courage to lean on another.
It takes strength to love;
it takes courage to be loved.
It takes strength to survive;
it takes courage to live.
-Unknown Author
The Difference Between Strength & Courage
It takes strength to be firm;
it takes courage to be gentle.
It takes strength to stand guard;
it takes courage to let down your guard.
It takes strength to conquer;
it takes courage to surrender.
It takes strength to be certain;
it takes courage to have doubt.
It takes strength to fit in;
it takes courage to stand out.
It takes strength to feel a friend’s pain;
it takes courage to feel your own.
It takes strength to hide your pains;
it takes courage to show them.
It takes strength to endure abuse;
it takes courage to stop it.
It takes strength to stand alone;
it takes courage to lean on another.
It takes strength to love;
it takes courage to be loved.
It takes strength to survive;
it takes courage to live.
-Unknown Author
Monday, March 2, 2009
Best Practices for Parents of Athletes
As I go to my alma mater tonight to do a presentation for parents night for spring sports, 2009, I prepared some material for parents on best practices when you have a child who is an athlete.
“Best Practices” for Parents of Student-Athletes
Do not threaten your child – it does not work as a motivator.
Do not take away privileges if they do not perform to your expectations.
It is okay to expect your child to put in time/energy/commitment to practice.
Let their coach handle the feedback/coaching.
The only yelling your child should hear is “Good Job!” “Way to go!” etc.
Try to avoid letting your child see your differing reactions to winning or losing. Reinforce the effort, not the outcome.
Talk about the match after the emotion has died down – not in the car after. Talking to a child after a game is one of the worst things to do. It’s one of the reasons that nearly 50 percent of children ages 5 to 12 surveyed don’t want their parents to attend their games. Wait a day to casually ask your kid how they felt about the sport. Cushion the conversation by offering praise.
Communicate with your child about what they want/need from you when they win or lose. It shouldn’t be a guessing game. They will tell you exactly what they want.
Do not interfere with a match while it’s going on – do not pace, do not take off your tennis shoe, and do not leave the match when they are losing.
Be sensitive to how much involvement your child wants from you.
Your job is to be supportive, and to stick up for your child.
Option A: Leave stuff up to your child completely; Option B: Leave it up to your child with some help from the parent; Option C: Parent driven with your child giving some input. The best option here is B. Today, kids should have the most say with us as guides or coaches. That would make you more of a ‘behind the scenes’ parent in a way. A, however, is better than C.
“Best Practices” for Parents of Student-Athletes
Do not threaten your child – it does not work as a motivator.
Do not take away privileges if they do not perform to your expectations.
It is okay to expect your child to put in time/energy/commitment to practice.
Let their coach handle the feedback/coaching.
The only yelling your child should hear is “Good Job!” “Way to go!” etc.
Try to avoid letting your child see your differing reactions to winning or losing. Reinforce the effort, not the outcome.
Talk about the match after the emotion has died down – not in the car after. Talking to a child after a game is one of the worst things to do. It’s one of the reasons that nearly 50 percent of children ages 5 to 12 surveyed don’t want their parents to attend their games. Wait a day to casually ask your kid how they felt about the sport. Cushion the conversation by offering praise.
Communicate with your child about what they want/need from you when they win or lose. It shouldn’t be a guessing game. They will tell you exactly what they want.
Do not interfere with a match while it’s going on – do not pace, do not take off your tennis shoe, and do not leave the match when they are losing.
Be sensitive to how much involvement your child wants from you.
Your job is to be supportive, and to stick up for your child.
Option A: Leave stuff up to your child completely; Option B: Leave it up to your child with some help from the parent; Option C: Parent driven with your child giving some input. The best option here is B. Today, kids should have the most say with us as guides or coaches. That would make you more of a ‘behind the scenes’ parent in a way. A, however, is better than C.
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Welcome to Arete Psychological Solutions
Arete is a Greek concept which implies reaching your highest human potential. In other words, it means being the best that you can be regardless the circumstances. When one reaches Arete, they have achieved fulfillment, effectiveness, wholeness, and happiness. Arete utilizes the mind, body, and spirit in an effective way to make oneself well-rounded and accomplished. In ancient Greece, one had to achieve Arete before passing from boyhood to manhood.
I am about to launch my private practice, Arete Psychological Solutions, in Fort Collins, Colorado. I am finishing up my doctoral residency in clincial psychology this year and will officially be called Doctor in a few short months. I enter the field of psychology, therapy, and counseling with a new perspective -- that therapy doesn't have to be boring, that it doesn't have to be long-term, that it doesn't have to be about the therapist only listening and the client only talking. My idea is be the exact opposite of what most people think a psychologist is.
I'm blunt, I'm sarcastic, I'm funny and I want to challenge people to reach deep inside themselves to find their potential. I believe that everyone can be whatever it is they want. I believe that people can overcome their circumstances to reach their goals. I love challenging people and showing them that they are better, smarter, more attractive than they really think. This blog is my introduction to the world of helping people on my own. I hope to offer you some real-life suggestions on how to survive this crazy, crazy world. I'll use my own real-life examples and offer some suggestions on how to overcome the little things and the big stuff. I've made my life's goal about helping people. Helping people to do what? To reach Arete -- to flourish, to be honorable, to be effective. Arete Psychological Solutions will help you cultivate your potential.
I am about to launch my private practice, Arete Psychological Solutions, in Fort Collins, Colorado. I am finishing up my doctoral residency in clincial psychology this year and will officially be called Doctor in a few short months. I enter the field of psychology, therapy, and counseling with a new perspective -- that therapy doesn't have to be boring, that it doesn't have to be long-term, that it doesn't have to be about the therapist only listening and the client only talking. My idea is be the exact opposite of what most people think a psychologist is.
I'm blunt, I'm sarcastic, I'm funny and I want to challenge people to reach deep inside themselves to find their potential. I believe that everyone can be whatever it is they want. I believe that people can overcome their circumstances to reach their goals. I love challenging people and showing them that they are better, smarter, more attractive than they really think. This blog is my introduction to the world of helping people on my own. I hope to offer you some real-life suggestions on how to survive this crazy, crazy world. I'll use my own real-life examples and offer some suggestions on how to overcome the little things and the big stuff. I've made my life's goal about helping people. Helping people to do what? To reach Arete -- to flourish, to be honorable, to be effective. Arete Psychological Solutions will help you cultivate your potential.
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